Beginning or the End

How far can you go before you completely break yourself? Have you ever pushed it far enough? How far is far enough?

How much longer before you can ask for help?

You go on like this for days, weeks and months, but who is it helping and who is it harming?

Is it self loathe or self love that you're feeling?

Self loathe enough to destroy yourself or self love enough to save your face?

Laughing so hard your stomach hurts, do you even remember what that's like?

One minute you think you've got it under control, the next you feel like you've been kicked in the gut,  pushing you so low you doubt you'll ever stand up.

So how can you ever come around to understand this emotional roller coaster? 

What have you done to get here?

The sleepless nights, the tossing and turning, the tiresome pretense of being a happy person, how far do you need to go?

Or is this just how life is?

The feeling of complete emptiness, like you're always staring at complete nothingness, like everything you feel is just meaningless, and that you don't know how to feel any other way anymore. 

How do you begin to describe what this is like ? Do you call this the beginning or do call this the end?

Live a little

People look at life as a race or a competition and in this race of getting somewhere we often miss out on how life passes by and we forget to notice the beauty of life. We forget to appreciate and realize the small changes that takes place on a daily basis missing out on the beauty of the process of the changes that take place.
How often do we feel so helpless that we doubtfully turn to God as our last resort only to find our prayers being answered. And how often are we thankful for that and for just being where we are, for being alive, and how often to do we look at life as a gift or a miracle and not a chore.
Life may be a competition, but it's against none but ourselves, for we are all in one way or the other fighting or winning battles that seem big in our own world, and the only race that I see here is the race against time, for if we lose time racing others we're losing parts of our lives we'll never get back.
So just a passing thought: in between all the hustle bustle of life, just remember to watch the leaves change, see the birds fly, look at a kid learn to talk, say thanks, dance a little, laugh a little, and just live a little, because this life is all we've got.

How great thou art

Few times in life do we come across something so majestically surreal, so great making us realize how little we actually are. We as humans tend to thing we're such great beings forgetting Mother Nature and her power. It's only when we see the vastness and the strength of nature from so up close that we realize that we almost seem like nothing in front of it. For it would only take a millisecond for nature to crush us to pieces. And as much as this seems like a pessimistic way of thinking it makes me realize how sometimes we think of our problems to be so great, we think of everything revolving around our lives as the center of everything, and it is at times like these we need to think of how little we actually are, and if we're so little, how can our problems and issues be so great. If we're almost nothing in this great world, we need to understand that the issues and problems we deal with every single day is less than nothing.

Why cant they just let us enjoy being a woman in a man's world?

She is a young girl of early 20s. She's pretty. She has many friends, a number of them are boys. She likes to wear make up and stay up to date with fashion. She gets stuck in her day dreams, loves to dance and enjoys partying more than anything.
She is how she's supposed to be at her age. She's following her generation trend.
Boys of her age enjoy the same and more, but why is it that her stability is questioned? Why is it that her reputation is scrutinized by the society.

She's in her early 30s now. She's pretty but she's aging. She's working and she's independent. She still feels young because she's still unmarried. Boys of her age may not even have achieved what she has. But why is her unmarried status questioned? Why is her integrity questioned?

We're all growing, both boys and girls, we're all aging to becoming men and women, but why is it that a girl is accountable for everything that she does and everything that happens to her? Why is it that a woman is accountable for every decision she makes, and why is it that her dignity is questioned when she's on her own and independent.

This world is always seen as a man's world, and women don't strive to take their place, but why is that a woman's place is questioned?
Why can't they just let us enjoy being a woman in a man's world? 

Questions of Love, remains unanswered.

What is love and how long does it last? Who first used the phrase “I love you” and what were they feeling?

What is love? Is it the feeling of butterflies while seeing the person you’re attracted to, or is it the feeling of jealousy when you see them with someone else, or is it the feeling of safety when you’re with them, or is it the feeling of comfort around them, or is it the urge to think way into the future with them, or is the compromises you make, or is it the need to spend time together? What exactly is it?

It’s never actually been easy to explain why we’re in love with the person we love, but if we cant explain it then how do we know its love? We make promises of loving them forever, but honestly, how long does love last?

Does love have an expiration date? Can we say love lasts forever or does it fade with time too? What proof do we have that love lasts forever? Is it the old couples that still walk around the parks together, or is it the marriage that lived and died together? But how can we be sure that they were together because of love and not because of moral obligations, societal complications, own reputation, the sake of the children, the sake of having someone around, or even just because of the fear of dying alone?

How long does love actually last? As long as the two people have explored each other’s minds, tastes, likes and dislikes? Or as long as they’ve explored each other’s bodies? 

How do you know you’re together because of love and not because you’re used to each other, or you’re just so comfortable together that things are easy that way?

So what is love? Is it something real, or is it just a figure of speech or just a cliché?

I’m not one who’s in a position to know answers for this, but I’m definitely one in a position who is clearly obsessed with the idea of love. I know not of the origin and the expiry date of love (if any), but I do know that I find myself pretty much fallen deep in it, and somehow find it difficult to find a way out of it. And although my mind questions the feelings I feel, my heart pretty much knows and believes that its love. 

Bid you Adieu !

And now my friend, the time has come,
and after all that's said and done,
we must part ways, please understand,
coz i'm moving away to a far away land.
It doesn't mean this is the end,
it was the only way I could mend
all that's going wrong right now,

you know life's taken its toll somehow.

So my last resort was to move away,

but believe by your side I'll constantly stay.

And no moment will pass without your thought,

coz the memory and your thoughts will be all that I got.

And I promise to keep them  safe with me,

I promise it'll be from now to eternity.

Oh Lover, oh Friend, my last words to you,

I write in this letter to bid you adieu !

"Do You Desire Love? Have A Sleepover"- David Wygant (Huffington Post- 06/12/2013)

Remember when we were kids?

Friday would come, or it'd be the summertime. You'd look at your mom and say, "Can I sleepover at Denise's house tonight?"

Remember the excitement you had as your mom drove you over to your friend's house? That feeling of exhilaration that you were going to have this amazing sleepover?

You'd always get to stay up a little later, as you were having a sleepover.

You'd get to read, cuddle up, have fun and talk under the covers with the flashlight.

When your friend's parents went to bed, you'd get to raid the refrigerator and have a late-night snack.

Maybe you'd get to watch a movie or favorite show, or sometimes the babysitter would be there and just didn't pay any attention to you. Most of the time, they'd be too consumed with hanging out with one of their friends.

The beauty of a sleepover back then was the conversations that lasted throughout the night. Weren't they so much fun? I know I have some great memories of sleepovers as a kid.

Well, you know what? That's what love should be like. Love should be like having a constant sleepover with someone.

You should be able to look forward to sitting together and sharing stories about your day; be excited about washing your face and brushing your teeth together, feel like you can't wait to fall asleep next to each other.

It's so much fun to connect with someone like that. You want to enjoy and look forward to every aspect of your lives together. It doesn't matter whether you're doing something mundane like doing the washing up, or something romantic like taking a bath together. Life and love should feel like an endless sleepover; every single night.

That's why I'm a firm believer that you never, ever go to bed angry with each other.

Never go to bed without kissing each other.

Never go to bed without saying, "I love you."

Life can be an endless sleepover. It just depends on the way you look at the relationship.

If you're with someone that you're not excited to see at night, you're not in the right relationship. It's about bonding, connecting and downloading your day. A great relationship is all about communication. It's about listening to each other. Touching, talking and connecting.

Just like we did when we were little kids. When we were little kids, we couldn't wait to connect with our friends at a sleepover. We made it special.

So, go and look at your relationship. Start thinking about your weekend sleepovers. The fun you can have. The beauty you can have.

Here's what I want you to do.

This weekend, have a sleepover with your lover. Make it fun. Build a tent. Put some extra goodies in the refrigerator.

Rent a movie. Crawl into bed. Talk. Touch.

Ignite that relationship again!

Treat it as you did when you were a kid and you were so excited about that sleepover.

Maybe even go somewhere else. Go to a hotel, and have your sleepover somewhere else.

For those you are monetarily challenged, get a tent and go out in the back yard. Have fun!

It's all about being creative. It's all about remembering the beauty of when you were a child.

Love is all about being a child again. It's about opening up your heart, opening up your soul, and dropping your ego.

So, forget about the tension, the fights, or whatever it might be. Send the kids off to their uncle's, aunt's or grandmother's house if you have them, and have a sleepover with your significant other. Eat your favorite snacks, watch your favorite movies, talk into the wee hours of the morning, and reconnect like you did when you first met.

Love is having a constant sleepover. Sometimes, we forget about the beauty of it. We get so caught up in our debt, so caught up in our heads, so caught up in our lives, and so caught up in our work.

But it's time to reignite it, and it's a time to do it now!

Insomnia

“Which son of a gun said sleeping wasn’t fun? But the irony is in the helplessness, for it isn’t easy to sleep, and if its not easy, how can it be fun?”

Here I am, lying in my bed for the past 4 hours with a determined thought of falling asleep. But where is sleep? I know people play “hard to get”, it’s the way things are, but is sleep doing that too?

It’s been a whole week, and every time I get in bed, tossing and turning is all I do, and sleep? Well rarely!

It’s a crazy world where things are supposed to go according to the cycle it’s followed for generations. Was it always meant to be a natural phenomenon to fall asleep when it’s dark? Who said the night was night? More like who said night=sleep? Was the magnificence of darkness never meant to be appreciated, and instead meant to be ignored by some dead activity of sleep? Was it always the sun that was considered “safe to be out” and night considered “danger”?

Night=bright lights, empty streets, cool breeze, less polluted air; and yet its considered danger?

Has these questions ever hit anyone, or is it just the insomniacs?

People think we’re not falling asleep because we’re thinking too much, not closing our eyes, not saying our prayers, not doing it right! But how can you fall asleep when you’re not falling asleep? Which son of a gun said sleeping wasn’t fun?

For I am one of the few people who loves the word sleep, but the humor lies in the part where I cant make myself do what I love!

So here it is, the mixed questions and ironies of a sleep-deprived insomniac who now sits with her laptop, searching on Google “how to fall asleep”.

And so I Fare Thee Well.

And thus i bid farewell to you.

Although my love is purely true.

Its not you, really, its me.

Its something you cant see.

I'm not enough.

And its getting tough.

So here i am setting you free.

From all my troubles, i'm letting you be.

I am now letting life go.

Good logic ? I don't know.

I'm not thinking, I dont care.

Coz this pain, I just cant bare.

So i'm just leaving it all behind,

Hoping someday you will rewind,

To see what we once so much shared,

But for the same thing, i'm not sure we cared. 

I wanted something you weren't ready for

I waited till my heart and soul were sore,

And still ready you never were.

Then i wondered was it me all along.

Were we just not in the same song ?

Where did i lag, what did i do wrong ?

The questions just went on and on.

So all that was left for me in this,

Was the wait for the utterly bliss,

The wait you said, would end soon,

But the wait went on from morn to noon.

Till one day my heart could face no more,

Bit by bit my heart it tore.

And then i said "I'm ready come take me"

My wait is over i can see now more clearly.

Im ready for my sleep, your wait's over too,

I asked you to wait till he'd come through.

But the wait went on, he was ready never,

So i am ready now, let me sleep forever !

(A passing thought.)

Nicholas Sparks

“There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have the feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well." - A walk to remember 

“Love doesn’t mean anything if you’re not willing to make a commitment, and you have to think not only about what you want, but about what he wants. Not just now, but in the future.” - Safe Heaven

“Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.” - Safe Heaven

“I’ve come to believe that in everyone’s life, there’s one undeniable moment of change, a set of circumstances that suddenly alters everything.” - Safe Heaven

“Love is fragile and we’re not always its best caretakers. Even the best of us make mistakes; we just muddle through and do the best we can to hope this fragile thing will survive by all odds.” - The Last Song

“Life, he realized, was much like a song. In the beginning there is mystery, in the end there is confirmation, but it’s in the middle where all the emotion resides to make the whole thing worthwhile.” - The Last Song

“Sometimes you have to be a part from people you love, but that doesn’t make you love them any less. Sometimes you love them more.” - The Last Song

“How far should a person go in the name of true love?” “How far would you go to keep the hope of love alive?”- The Choice 

“I finally understood what true love meant…love meant that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be.” - Dear John

“Right before everything went black, you wanna know the very last thing that entered my mind?...You.” - Dear John

“What mattered most was knowing that love was mine to give, without strings or expectations.” - Dear John

“Even though you may not want to hear it, I want you to know that you’ll always be a part of me. In our time together, you claimed a special place in my heart, one I’ll carry with me forever and that no one can ever replace. You’re a hero and a gentleman, you’re kind and honest, but more than that, you’re the first man I ever truly loved. And no matter what the future brings, you will always be, and I know that my life is better for it.” - Dear John

“Every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it’s just as hard as what you’re going through.” - Dear John

“Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face - I know it’s an impossibility, but I cannot help myself.” – Message in a Bottle

“I am lost without you. I am soulless, a drifter without a home, a solitary bird in a flight to nowhere. I am all these things, and I am nothing at all. This, my darling, is my life without you. I long for you to show me how to live again.” – Message in a Bottle

“Wanted something else, something different, something more. Passion and romance, perhaps, or maybe quiet conversations in candlelit rooms, or perhaps something as simple as not being second.” – The Notebook

“You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together.” – The Notebook

“Sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary simply by doing them with the right people.” – The Lucky One

Had things always been this way ?

We're standing there, hand in hand,
staring at one such empty land,
so much we feel yet so little we say,
Had things always been this way ?

And yet there's so much we've always shared,
So much love, we always knew we cared.
The feelings we had, was beyond the talks,
beyond the never ending romantic walks,
the theatrical couples usually did take,
( T'was something I wanted, for Heaven's sake ! )


The dream and wish of having a fairytale,
In me, those feelings now had no trail.
Being with him, in time it began to fade,
Our feeling though, it always stayed.
And still we have so little to say,
Things definitely has always been this way !

I loved him then, I love him still,
I love him too much, till the end I will,
I know that right, he knows it too,
He had me at his first "I love you !"

What is Hope ?

What is hope ?

Is Hope what i think it is ?

Hope is the streak of light, seen under the utter darkness,

Hope is the ease you get when you're under so much stress.

Hope is the breaking dawn that says "there is tomorrow"

Hope is the beam of joy you feel, even in your sorrow.

Hope is what helps you raise your voice,

during the struggle in making the right choice.

Hope is what helps you know the right thing to say,

Hope is what helps you take the step in the right way.

Hope and be hopeful and you'll never go wrong,

Hope and be hopeful, it'll always keep you strong.

(Scrappy writing. too high. written under the suggestion of a Dear Friend)

Words unspoken-Questions unanswered: Will i ever stop thinking ?

I've loved you with everything i have in me, but i feel there's a part of you that doesnt feel the same. That tears me up, and there's nothing i can do about that. Coz its you, and  i know you, and you hate answering, and you hate thinking, then tell me what am i to do ?
Is the love thats worth hiding, worth having ?
What is it that i'm holding on to ?
Are we even in the same place ?
Do we even share the same feeling ?
Can you keep me with you till my end ?

How much longer do i have to live ?
Can i live a little longer ?
Can i die in your arms ?
Will you be there to shut my eyes ?
How much is it going to hurt you ?
Can you keep me with you till my end ?

Words unspoken, Questions unanswered.
How am i ever going to stop thinking then ? When will i ever see straight ?

Will i ever stop thinking ?

Wise words once said !

Sometimes its better to let go of some people from your life, to help them understand your value and importance in the future.

When an important person says mean and hurtful words to you, only thing that happens is , that person gets less and less important to you !

People often change for two reasons: either you've learned enough that you want to change or you've been hurt enough that you need to.

The worst feeling ever is not knowing whether you should wait or just let go
Why is it that when you long so much to be close to someone, you always end up saying something to push them even further away.

Value yourself enough to choose to be with someone who wants you as much as you want them.

If we love someone, we shouldn’t be afraid to tell them, because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.

Sometimes you have to let things go.. not because you’re giving up, but because you’ve realized that some things cannot be yours.

If you love someone be brave enough to treat them right, or be brave enough to watch them be loved and treated right by someone else.

Open wounds never heal if you keep reopening them. So leave the people who hurt you out o your life.

 

We're all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils.

 

Letting go

And sometimes you learn to understand that some things are never meant to happen, for no matter how hard you try it doesn't work. Hence compelling you to quit trying and start walking away.

And as I was walking away I left my footprints behind hoping you'd follow and pull me back, but instead you just let it all get washed away. So here I am leaving, not because I'm tired of trying, but because you've pushed me away.

(Because, maybe, I have to.)

Priority Vs. Option

You put their wants before yours: Priority.

They put their wants before yours: Option.

You put their words before your ideas: Priority.

They put their words before your ideas: Option.

You put their needs before yours: Priority.

They put their needs before yours: Option.

You put them before your friends: Priority.

They put their friends before you: Option.

You put them before your social image: Priority.

They put their social image before you: Option.

You put them before what people think: Priority.

They put what people think before you: Option.

You're there for them every time and anytime: Priority.

They're not there for you, even when you need them the most: Option.

You know they mean the world to you: hence PRIORITY.

They know they mean the world to you: hence OPTION.

(Reviewing the thin line between love and pity)